Sleepyhead: Change

Change.

I keep bumping into that silly little word, stumbling over it in the darkness every night. Every time I see it, it snags me, and begs me to read into it, as if I should analyze its denotation. We all know what change means right? Good, then we’re on the same page. Think about it a second… what does change mean to you right now?

First let’s start with my connotations; these are the first things that come to mind whenever I see that worn out word. It typically depends on my mood. If the day has been so rough that I curse the very date I see on the calendar into oblivion, my initial thought borders along the lines of hatred. On days like those, I think of change as a rocketing train with no conductor, ready to jump the tracks at any moment with no obligation to recognize the innocents it would crush in its derailed path of destruction.  Change is the unstoppable factor that barrels past the present day. All you can do is watch as it destroys everything you had just begun to appreciate. On bad days, change is always remembered as the force that destroyed the good old days in a revolution you couldn’t control.

Some terrible days are different, at least for me, in that they leave me feeling determined. On days like those, I refuse to give up so easily. I’m convinced that things will get better. Thus, things have to change. It’s that it-can’t-possibly-get-any-worse mentality. I always figure that something’s gotta’ give eventually, that something really has to change. When you’re in that state of mind, things can get better, things can become great even. However, they can also get worse. Change is a two way street. Better or worse, change is going to happen.

“If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change.  If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.“

-John A. Simone, Sr.

That quote is painfully true. Of course, it’s great news for those of us that are currently wallowing in the way things are. And, if taken bluntly, it may seem like bad news to those who have it great now. You’re blessed if life is good currently, but don’t dismay! Just because things are going great today doesn’t mean they are, for sure, without a doubt going to suck soon. That’s not the point. My advice to those who are currently enjoying living it up is to appreciate it. Whether you like it or not, things will change. For better or for worse.

That’s not to say that everything is going to change. There’s at least one thing that we are sure will always remain constant. Ten points to whoever can guess what that our mystery constant is…

For Jesus doesn't change—yesterday, today, tomorrow, he's always totally himself.

Hebrews 13:8 The Message

If you guessed Jesus or God, you got it right. I’ve never written anything biblical on my blog before. Then again, since I first posted at the beginning of the year, I’ve been avoiding God. And there’s a reason for that, though it isn’t a very good one. I’ve been angry at Him for changing things for the worse, time and time again. It really seems like as soon as things even begin to look up, they change all over again. And that is the most irritating thing in the world. But from day one, I was expecting God to change it all. I guess I never guessed that maybe this was a test, and that maybe I was the thing that was meant to change all along.

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Romans 12:2 The Message

I wouldn’t really call what I’ve been doing “fitting in” but I’ve certainly been trying to squeeze into the mold society wants to push me into. I just want to belong somewhere, and if that means hiding my religion in my pocket, then so be it, right? God says, “nu-uh,” according to that passage. Maybe if I had been focusing on God all along instead of asking him to change my situation and let me “fit in” I would’ve been happy a long time ago.

It’s kind of amazing what I’m learning as I’m writing this. Up until about fifteen minutes ago, I thought my relationship with God was great. Up until fifteen minutes ago, I forgot that I had forgotten about God altogether. Hmmm. It explains so much. Why did I think I could do any of this alone?

My aunt got me a book for my birthday that she said was flying off the shelves at the bookstore. It’s called Do Hard Things and it was written Alex and Brett Harris, two Christian twins that are nineteen (I believe). They mention something they call a “rebolution” which they define as a “teenage rebellion against low expectations.” That’s sort of a different subject, but around the same time, we covered historical revolutions in my World History class. All of this got me thinking about revolutionaries and what it meant to be one. Let’s get the definition of that one…

Revolutionist -person who advocates or takes part in a sudden, complete or marked change in something

Lately, I’ve been focusing a lot on my dreams. Last year, about this time, my biggest dream was to work at Six Flags during the summer. I sort of scoff at that now seeing as my aspirations are so much larger. One of the biggest is to be a revolutionist. I want to change my world in any way I know how, but that’s proving harder and harder each day seeing as I can’t even seem to change my life.

This whole post has sort of ranted and rambled, but I don’t really care. I have a point, I promise. And that is this: whether things are going great or not, they’ll change. And sometimes you have to be that change; sometimes you have to be your own revolutionist. Sometimes you’re the thing that needs to change. And all in all, we can change our world, God willing. It’s amazing how a God so unchanging can change our world so easily.

So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.

James 1:16-18 The Message

If things aren’t going great, trust in God that they’ll get better. Draw closer to him so that if you’re the thing that needs to be changed, He can make the shift within you. Don’t just amble along, waiting for things to get better, whining until they do as you stubbornly believe you’re perfect the way you are.

If things are going great, thank God for it. Take the time to grow close to Him so that you can have a firm foundation if things do get tough eventually. You were never promised that life would be a cake walk, but you should enjoy it when it’s beautiful.

I didn’t have a song specifically set for this blog to be about, but after I searched my ipod for any music with the word “change” in it, Sleepyhead by Passion Pit came up. I imagine it’s because the album is Chunk of Change but whatever. At first I thought, “yeah, this song has nothing to do with this post.” But in actuality, on further examination of the words I realized it kind of does. You can interpret them the way you like, but after a google search I found someone that pointed it out as having the vague meaning of giving up your troubles. The words are pretty sporadic and confusing, so I guess it really is open to interpretation.

Nevertheless, I have a single memory tied to this song. It’s a short one though. One night, I was listening to this song and I made a vow to myself to never stop writing and take change as it comes. That was two years ago, and though I’ve resisted change many times since then, I’m proud to say I’ve never stopped writing.

This song is also very appropriate as I really need sleep right now.

P.S. The pic is once again mine. I took it on the front lawn in Oak Cliff this weekend. The hula hoopers for the Mardi Gras parade started showing up about three hours before the actual thing started. They looked colorful so I snapped a picture with hipstamatic. I love that app.

Hope you enjoyed my rambling. Goodnight!